Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
