i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
