Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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