got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
