if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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