Got a toothbrush?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
