My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
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