If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
