Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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