it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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