i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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