I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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