you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
