5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
