I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
