this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
