Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
