If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
