i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
