I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
