Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
