so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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