She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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