Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
