how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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