Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
