We're facebook friends in real life
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
