Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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