I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
