I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
