Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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