I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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