Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
