So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
