be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
