Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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