i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
