Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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