you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
