Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
