Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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