you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
