I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
