the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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