...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
