"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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