If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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