he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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