So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
