are you still at the devil's house?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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