She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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