My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
