it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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