I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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