Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
