just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Is it penis luge time yet?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
